Radical Inclusiveness

As I read Bill Hybel's book, Just Walk Across the Room, I found many concepts and ideas relevant and useful. The one thing that stuck out the most was what he called radical inclusiveness, seeing others as Jesus sees them. What if we lived thinking that even the "worst" people that we know have the potential to become followers of Christ??? It sounds so simple yet can be so difficult. Our attitude toward nonbelievers can be so negative sometimes. We write some people off completely thinking that they will never come to Christ and that it is a waste of our time. That isn't how it shoul be though. We need to learn to love these people and even when we think our efforts aren't worth it, keep on going. This was part of Hybel's living in 3-D concept.
1. Develop Friendships
2. Discover Stories
3. Discern Next Steps
Radical inclusiveness was discussed in the develop friendships section. This forced me to examine myself. Do I really look at all people as having the potential to be redeemed? I don't think that I always do. The love that we receive from Christ needs to be overflowing into our relationships with others, believers and nonbelievers alike. I used to struggle with this. I felt as though I was being judged by some nonbelievers because I was a believer and never bothered to even find out if they were like that or not. This was not loving towards them and I'm sure that I wasn't showing them Christ's love. Maybe my behavior turned them off to Christianity at times because I wasn't being loving. The point is not to look back and say what if I had done this though. The point is that we all need to make an effort to develop friendships and love nonbelievers right now. We are learning day by day how to be better disciples of Christ and I really think that this is an excellent way. I've experienced it with some people. It isn't necessary or even always a good thing to converse with nonbelievers about God all the time. First develop a relationship with them. Don't make them feel as though you are judging them. Ask them about their life and their interests. We aren't in this just to add another tally to the board of people who "we" have brought to Christ. If that was the point, we would all be failing. We can show them love by being their friend. Then wait for the Holy Spirit to guide us into a conversation about the Gospel. When you feel that tug, then go for it. The more I think about radical inclusiveness, the more I wish I had read this book earlier.

Not a Typical Day for Me

This week I chose to focus on the spiritual discipline of community. Loving one another, serving one another, praying for one another and forgiving one another were some of the things that I was to work on. A few weeks ago, a small group of friends and myself had committed to praying for one another. That was a good place for me to start. I had already been working on that and saw that since a few weeks ago when we had made that commitment to each other I had been praying for others more. Keeping that as a habit is something that I intend to do and hope that they and God keep me accountable for. Loving one another is a struggle for me. There are people who are easy to love. There are relationships that I enjoy investing time into. But there are people who are very difficult for me to love. It isn't always easy to show them Christ's love when they may be difficult to relate to, not very kind or some other excuse that I give myself to get out of showing them love. But that isn't the point at all. Those are the people that I need to show love most. I can be very selective in my relationships. Sometimes it never crosses my mind that I am leaving someone out, ignoring someone or completely blowing someone off. I act as if they do not deserve my time. After some of the things that I have done, I can see that I do not deserve their time! Part of loving one another for me has been opening myself to others.

I also learned about community from the other end of things this week. I experienced grace and forgiveness from a complete stranger. Monday morning I was running a little late for my 7:30am class. I made it out to the car, started it up and then realized that I had left something else inside that I needed for the day. So I bolted out of the car, frantically unlocked the door and sprinted back and went on my way. I was going with the flow of traffic when I looked back and see those dreaded lights. How did the cop choose me? I was going the same speed as the cars surrounding me. I stopped the car and waited for the coming doom. I handed over my license and registration as he told me that I had been speeding. My response wasn't much. I simply said that yes I realize that I was speeding, I am running late for my exam and wasn't paying attention, which isn't an excuse and I take full responsibility. He returned to his car, and came back with a ticket for me. It wasn't a good start to my day. Later that day I looked up how much this was going to cost me, $130 bucks! After my last class I headed straight to the court house to pay my ticket. I figured that I should pay it now or I would forget after I went home for Thanksgiving weekend. The clerk then informed me that I wouldn't be able to pay my ticket for a few days because the tickets are not in the system yet on the day that they are given out. I was a little bit annoyed. I was doing the responsible thing by going to pay my ticket and they wouldn't let me pay it! That meant I would have to go back on another day and I had just wasted a half hour. Later on that day my phone started ringing and the number was unfamiliar. I hesitated to answer it, but I did anyways. I was alarmed when he introduced himself as the police officer who had pulled me over that morning. I wasn't sure what he was going to say and honestly a bit scared. What did he want now? Turns out he had been trying to reach me the entire day. He had been calling my parents' house (our answering machine is on the fritz) since that morning and hadn't gotten through until about 4 pm. My sister then gave him a number that he could reach me at. He was calling to tell me that he voided my ticket. His reasoning was that he saw that I was very close to Cornerstone when he pulled me over and assumed that I was a student there. He then said that he knew I was feeling pressure for exams and paying for college and did not want to burden me with a speeding ticket, especially because I had a completely clean driving record. I thanked him multiple times, still not entirely believing what had just happened. He said that he wanted to do the Christian thing and show me some grace. He then said he hopes that I have a blessed Thanksgiving and ended our conversation. I was stunned. He didn't fit my typical stereotype of a cop. The fact that he had called my house multiple times throughout the day to let me know what he had done for me really blew me away. This person doesn't know me. He didn't have to do that. He has written plenty of speeding tickets over the years and not voided them. As well as this, he had left his number with my sister in case my parents wanted to call him. Naturally, my mother called him and he basically said the same thing to her. He served as a witness to my unsaved father yesterday by showing me grace, reasoning that it was out of Christian love. I also found a message in my email from the Cornerstone front desk saying that the officer had stopped in and left his phone number and requested that I call him. He had even come back to the school to tell me what he had done.

I've been thinking about this since it happened and I can't quite get past it. I was shown grace by a complete stranger and now still have the $130 in my bank account. But even better than that I was reminded of the grace that God has blessed me with. He shows me grace even though I sin and hurt him. His grace means much more than not paying a speeding ticket. His grace is so unmerited and wonderful, yet it took something like this to bring it to my attention. I'm left without words now, and that is okay. My gratitude for the voiding of a speeding ticket has turned my ear and heart to the voiding of eternity in hell. Instead I get to have a relationship with the one and only God while I am here on earth and for the rest of eternity.

Revival Starts with the Individual

"O Lord, revive thy work" -- Habakkuk 3:2

Charles Spurgeon focuses on this one sentence from Scripture in his devotional, and that is all that he needs to get me thinking. For those in the Church seeking revival, they must first look to themselves. Too often we criticize the church, the pastor, etc instead of looking inside ourselves. What are we doing to encourage revival? One by one, becoming unified in the practice of revival, the Church does amazing things through God.

Spurgeon discusses the prevalence of joining the Church because it is popular. Though this wasn't written in the present day, I believe this pertains to Christians today.
"Many people have recently joined the Church in our country. But are there any fewer cheats than there used to be? Are there less frauds committed? Do we find morality more extensive? Do we find vice coming to an end? No, we do not. Our age is as immoral as any that preceded it. There is still as much sin, though perhaps it is more cloaked and hidden."
I resonated very much with this statement. We hide our sin, sometimes letting ourselves believe that somehow makes it better. Why aren't we real with each other? Hiding our sin won't help us get through the problem of sin. I have certain relationships where I can be completely honest with someone, and I've seen the benefits of that. As well as that aspect, why can't we be real with God? He knows everything already. Hiding anything at all from him doesn't work. I feel as though the Church would grow so much more if we were real with each other and God.

Spurgeon also says that another proof that the Church is in need of revival is the absence of sound doctrine. I've had a recent experience that relates very well to this. My home church wasn't doing well. I can see now that it was in large part because of the lack of sound doctrine. We spent two years searching and praying for the right person to lead our church, having a temporary pastor in the meantime. It was only a few weeks ago that we felt God had given us the right person. He accepted the call to lead us. It was such a learning experience for me. This started happening when I was in high school, and I didn't really understand what was going on. Now looking at the situation I understand a little better. I can feel excitement in the church--not just because of a new pastor, but because of a new page for us all. We had a dry spell for a time. People were leaving ministry positions and volunteers weren't as readily available. I'm not by any means saying that the church I attend is experiencing a big revival, but things are slowly changing. I personally see revival as something that almost needs to be gradual. It gives all time to adjust and be unified in God. And it all goes back to the individual. Person by person, congregation by congregation, revival can happen and spread.

Another important point by Spurgeon is that we aren't praying for a revival of ourselves, but a revival of the Lord's work. We can't revive ourselves. God can use us to revive his work if we only ask for opportunities and listen to him when he answers.

"It is not a new person or a new plan, but the life of God in them that the Church needs."

Letting Go

This past week was a struggle for me. I wasn't surrendering myself to God and wasn't being as intentional about my Bible study this week. A neighbor of mine from back home had been sick with cancer for only a short time. He was a good man, and the cancer took him so quickly. He passed away last week and I distanced myself from God when that happened. I knew all along that it wasn't the right thing to do, but it seemed like the easier thing to do at the time (and sometimes still does) than dealing with what happened and talking to God about it. My neighbor's death brought back a lot of pain for me. He suffered through pancreatic cancer, the very same way that my aunt did. It took her quickly as well. Her death is the most difficult thing I have dealt with so far in my life. She was young and had two kids left in school. It didn't seem right. She had survived losing one of her daughters in a car accident, and then a few years later passed away herself from cancer. Their family was reduced from five to three in a matter of four years. It pains me still when I see my uncle and cousins, wondering what would be different if my aunt and cousin were still here with us. I had (and still have) so much confusion, anger, hurt and pain from their deaths and it hadn't resurfaced in a while. Until now, that is. I pushed it away as much as I could until now. I can't ignore it anymore though. Now dealing with the death of my neighbor means dealing with the death of my aunt and cousin again. It's something that I continue to struggle to give up to God and I suppose this may be his way of telling me that it's time.

That being said, while I was reading my Bible daily, I wasn't always allowing it to sink in. I wasn't allowing myself to think about what I was reading. The numbness was easier than letting myself feel. I realize that I need to be more intentional about communicating with God and being in his word, but it is something that I am going to have to continue to fight through.

I did find the treasure-seeker method effective for Bible study when I was being intentional though. The questions that Calhoun suggests while reading are,
"Is there an example here for me to follow? Is there a promise to claim or a command to obey? Is there a truth to be applied? Is there a prayer for me to pray? Is there a sin to be confessed? Is there a question God is asking me?"
Looking for specifics does help me focus and I was grateful for any bit of focus that I could muster up lately. When I began to write this I felt as though I wasn't going to have anything to write about. I hadn't been consistent with my Bible study and I certainly hadn't been spending the time with God that I had originally intended. But it isn't about that right now. God is working in me to take away pains that I have held onto for three years. No, they aren't gone right now. I don't think that they will ever be completely gone as death isn't natural. That is why it grieves us so much. But with God's help I can start to let some things go. I have full faith in God that he can and will do this for me.

"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." --Philippians 4:19

Two Ways to Meet Jesus, neither being death

As I began to read Madame Guyon's devotional I wasn't drawn in right away. I wondered if continuing on was worth it, but the reading was only a handful of pages so I did. And I realized that what was so good about it was that it is so simple. I say simple not meaning plain or boring, but that she is short and to the point. I grew to appreciate her style as I don't read much that is written in this way. I found this her devotional very practical.

She discussed what she called, "two ways to meet Jesus". The first is praying the Scripture. It reminded me of lectio divina in many ways, and was good to hear again. The second way she discussed she called beholding the Lord. The first step she talks about is quieting the mind. How difficult could it really be? As I was reading the devotional I could see that my mind wasn't solely focused on reading. I was thinking about other things that happened during the day and plans I had coming up. I also found myself writing this blog in my head as I read. I couldn't get myself to just read it. I feel as though this is especially true when reading Scripture. I let my mind wander. It takes discipline to quiet the mind, a discipline that I need more of.

She recommends taking pauses while reading Scripture and coming into the presence of God. Take pauses to slow ourselves down. Take pauses to keep our focus on God, keep ourselves in check. My favorite thing that I took out of her entire reading was this, "You are not there to learn or to read, but you are there to experience the presence of your Lord!" It refreshed me to hear that. I feel as though I'm going through a robotic routine sometimes when what I really need to do is wake myself up and realize that I am reading Scripture to be in the presence of God. That is a BIG DEAL!!! I want to experience God in this way.

And He said, "My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." --Exodus 33:14

Bearing our Cross

It seems to me that fasting is often practiced out of Biblical context. In class we spent a few minutes discussing how people fast during Lent. We fast from sweets, from facebook, from TV, or something else that is usually beneficial for us. And while we fast, we have such a hard time keeping it between ourselves and God. Part of us wants other people to know that we are making a "sacrifice" and think good of us. Fasting during Lent has become in large a selfish practice, not about God at all. In Isaiah 58, the people are wondering why God is counting their fasting as nothing. It's because they weren't living a fasting life. It really helped me understand fasting better to hear that fasting is a fast from sin. If while we are fasting from food our behavior is less than acceptable, of course we aren't getting anywhere. Fasting isn't an easy practice to grow closer to God. It is us participating in Christ's suffering, by far only a minuscule representation.

The connection between fasting and prayer was really prevalent for me the past couple of weeks. It felt as though I had focused on prayer last week, and now this week added fasting and focused on both. Fasting without prayer is a set up for failure. It wasn't easy to fast. It was especially helpful to have others fasting as well so that we could keep each other accountable. I hope to be able to fast on my own, keeping it between myself and God as I attempt to practice fasting more.

I have found it a blessing and a struggle to fast. Participating in Christ's suffering is such an important part in our Spiritual growth and helps us understand so much more what we have been given and how much we don't deserve it. Fasting should encourage us to focus on God and others, relinquishing our selfishness.

"Jesus has many lovers of His kingdom of heaven, but he has few bearers of His Cross. Many desire His consolation, but few desire His tribulation. He finds many comrades in eating and drinking, but He finds few hands who will be with Him in His abstinence and fasting...But those who love Jesus purely for Himself, and not for their own profit or convenience, bless Him as heartily in temptation and tribulation and in all other adversities as they do in time of consolation. And if He never sent them consolation, they would still bless and praise Him."
--Thomas a Kempis

Faith Alone is Enough

How do we know about God? We have general and special revelation. We have the Bible, and others who told us about him. The natural consequence of turning from God is not knowing him. Athanasius says, "In a word, impiety and lawlessness were everywhere, and neither God nor His Word was known." How sad and hopeless would life be if things were left this way! But God, in his grace and mercy, created us as image bearers despite our turning from him.

Living as if God were present sounds simple enough, but is it really? When I consider every part of my life it is plain to see that it isn't! I sin, fail and knowingly hurt God. That isn't living like the almighty, all powerful God is with me. Christians want to give themselves wholly to God and God wants this too. It will be a struggle, but a worthwhile one. "Though I have done it imperfectly, I have found great advantages in this practice. I am aware, however, that all of these advantages are to be attributed to the mercy and goodness of God, because we can do nothing without him--especially me!" The reason we give ourselves to God is for God, not for ourselves. It is so that through our triumphs we can praise God. It is so that through our failures and struggles we can turn to God and ask for help and learn through them, being thankful even for that. What if it were our natural instinct to do what God wants? By making a habit of living as if God were present we can begin to do that. Brother Lawrence calls the idea of this a holy freedom.

"This practice produced in me so high an esteem for God that faith alone was enough to satisfy all my needs." I've decided to make this my prayer. I want to be that satisfied in God. About four years ago I watched a video series by John Piper where I memorized a quote that keeps popping up in my head as I think about this. "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him." Our satisfaction in God brings him glory. We need no other reason to want satisfaction in God apart from that.

Power in Prayer

I chose prayer walking as my spiritual discipline for the week. It was something that I'd done before, but not taken as seriously as I should have. My original thought was that it would be a really good thing to do going into work, class, etc. And the first time I went to work after selecting prayer walking, I forgot to do it. The next time I remembered, and I plan to continue to do that. However, something unexpected happened that I was able to use prayer walking for this week, and through it God showed me the power of prayer that I had seen before and believed in, yet needed to see again.

A close friend needed prayer, simple as that. As I walked by the room that the friend was in, another friend and myself prayed. We sat in a room near where the friend was, and prayed. We prayed for God's power to come. We prayed specifically, intentionally and with belief that God could do what we were asking. It was amazing. I realize that I'm being vague in this experience, but it almost can't be described in words. It was something that I'd prayed about before. But there was power in this form of prayer that night. Prayers were answered and God's presence was felt. I had never prayed so confidently. There is power in coming before God fully knowing that He can do what you are asking, while at the same time knowing that though He has the power to do what we are asking, He may have something better planned. No, things did not come out perfectly after this experience. But God was evidently working in the situation.

I wasn't expecting this experience in the least bit, but am so blessed that it happened. It has encouraged me to pray more sincerely and whenever I feel a slight tug to prayer. Sometimes it is easy to ignore that tug, but not anymore. If I had ignored that tug this past week I would have missed out on gaining a closeness to the Lord that I needed.

Intentionally & With Confidence

I found Martin Luther's devotional, Praying in Faith, easily applicable and very practical. His reflections on prayer were helpful. His description of petition and thanksgiving left me thinking of intentional prayer. Petitioning is telling God what is on our hearts. How many times have I entered prayer, and not prayed specifically? Yes, God knows exactly what is going on in our lives. But if we pray to him halfheartedly about our desires and struggles he knows that too.

Luther says concerning unceasing prayer, "There is no Christian who does not have time to pray without ceasing." I paused as I read this the first time, not doubting its validity, but reflecting on myself in this area. God gave us the ability to multitask, and I definitely believe this is one way we should always be multitasking.

Luther also talks about Jesus' teaching on prayer. Praying without faith and confidence gets us nowhere. We're praying with empty words when we do that. It's like when we ask someone to do us a favor, and then we go ahead and do it ourselves because we believe that they won't do it even when they said they would. Praying without confidence and faith that God will answer according to his will is in a way like that. We can't doubt that our prayer will be answered. If we do, then why are we praying and who do we think God really is?

Our great need for God should lead us into a life-long prayer with our Creator. The ability to communicate with God is an amazing gift and we all would do well to take advantage of it more often.

Fighting for Joy

Gratitude is the spiritual discipline that I chose to focus on this week. It's not something that I think about a lot to be honest. I take a lot for granted and can be pessimistic at times. One thing that continued to come up throughout the week was the cross. Even though there are some difficult things going on in my life right now, there is never a reason to feel so defeated. There is never a reason to act like Christ's sacrifice didn't accomplish anything.
Praying to God about my current hardships made me feel vulnerable. Why, I don't know, because I know that He can hear my every thought and knows how I feel anyways. I recognized that I struggle with praying completely honestly at times, because I leave out things. I have found it very helpful to write down my prayers if I am able. When praying to God to help me see the good in some difficult situations, they are often long prayers. It really helped me to keep my focus, and I look forward to going back and reading them later in life to see how I have grown and what God blessed me with through those situations.
Through it all, I have come to the conclusion that there is never a time when I have nothing to be thankful to God for. As I said before, the cross was on my mind frequently. When I took myself out of my situation and reflected on God and His goodness I found joy. I found comfort and peace. My mind was able to stop focusing on the difficult areas of my life and simply be in awe of God and all that He has done.

United to the Will of God

Trying to discern the will of God in our lives is usually difficult. When we are struggling in our walk with God, it seems especially difficult.

"It is by being united to the will of God that we enjoy and possess him, and it is a delusion to seek the divine possession by any other means. Being united to God is the only way, not in any specific manner or style, but in a thousand different ways, and the one he chooses for us is the best."

This quote from Jean-Pierre de Caussade's devotional struck me. As I continued through the rest of the reading, my thoughts dwelt on this particular excerpt. Surrendering to God's will should be enjoyable. It is not surrendering in the sense of unwillingly giving ourselves to an opponent. It is surrendering our selfishness and sinfulness for something much, much better. And this surrendering can happen in a number of ways. Everyone has a different story of how God brought them to Him. And though the stories are different, we are all united to God and His will. Let us recognize that!

s.l..o...w....i.....n......g

I live a pretty busy life, as I'm sure you also do. A full time student, working 25 hours a week, leading youth group and trying to have a social life doesn't exactly leave much down time.

Calhoun describes the spiritual discipline of slowing as, "one way to overcome inner hurriedness and addiction to busyness. Through slowing, the sacrament of the present moment is tasted to the full." In my go go go lifestyle, I don't often pause. I feel as though I hardly have the time to think about what I'm doing!

As I began to try to implement slowing into my lifestyle, I found myself thinking that it wasn't going to be a good thing. Slowing meant stopping whatever "productive" thing I was doing. I felt lazy. I had to talk myself back into trying again. And I'm glad that I did, because after I got over my initial feelings about it, I enjoyed it. My anxiousness was halted through slowing. God blessed me by showing me that I can slow down. Slowing allowed me to process what I was doing. It allowed me to appreciate the things that God has planned for my life right now.

"Be still, and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10

Shaping Our Souls

Making progress in living holy lives is a constant struggle in the Christian life. Though it is the thing that we want, what God wants, it is one of the most difficult things that we strive for. In Teresa of Avila's devotional she says,
"Whereas before the soul was somewhat deaf and blind an had no will to resist, now it has begun to hear and see and resist as one who is about to gain victory."
This part really clicked with me. When we first become Christians we feel invincible (at least I certainly did!). But the more we grow, the more we see our sin. We see the ways that Satan traps us. We see the depth of our sinfulness and the depth of God's glory, and don't feel so invincible anymore. We see the real struggle that our soul is battling.
She later talks about habits and Satan. Satan thrives on our bad habits, and tries even harder to prevent us from having good habits. Satan will try to lure is in to acts of sin. And if he can make it a habit, even better. In order for our soul to be developing Godly habits within us, we have to be aware of this. Know that Satan is coming at us from different angles. If one lure works, he'll try it again. If one lure doesn't work, he'll try another way. Making progress in a way seems to put a larger target on Christians--a target that we should gladly bear.
She also says, "We are free in the same measure that we are able to suffer." The choice is ours. We are free in Christ, not bound by our sins.
A few suggestions that she has are to be in prayer about the battle within our souls and have a mentor or an accountability partner that you trust and feel comfortable discussing this with. We won't grow unless we are making an effort in this! It won't always be easy, yes we will fall. But following the example of Christ who bore the cross and suffered for us, we will get back up again and continue pursuing holiness. Giving up isn't an option, we've already begun.

Running the Race

We're running the race... but to where? God calls us to perfection and holiness. Gregory of Nyssa discusses this race Christians are running in his devotional. I found it really interesting when he talked about how to measure this race. Trying to obtain perfection, all the while knowing that we can't possibly reach it might not sound like a race one would want to enter into. But then there is grace. God commands us to be perfect as He is. God sees the progress that we are making along the way. Sometimes we'll struggle. At other times we'll gain by leaps and bounds.

What is our purpose in running the race? If our motivation in living a virtuous way of life is because we fear punishment, want rewards, etc, then we aren't making any progress. Our motivation should be to grow closer to God. He is our friend and father. He may have given us a command to be perfect, and it isn't going to be easy all the time. But God is giving us an invitation to be closer to Him, if we would only pay attention! Our goal in this race isn't to run the fastest and beat everyone else. We are running the race together as children of God. We all want to reach the goal--not only ourselves, but our brothers and sisters as well. Looking at the race as a competition leads us to miss the point.

"...we consider becoming God's friend the only thing worthy of honor and desire. This, as I have said, is the perfection of life." --Gregory of Nyssa

Freedom Through Solitude

The theme behind all the spiritual disciplines this week was relinquishing the false self... Quite a heavy topic if you ask me! I went back and forth for a few days, trying to decide which spiritual discipline that I would focus on. I kept coming back to solitude, which is what I eventually chose.

At first, practicing solitude was very difficult for me. It didn't feel comfortable. I always feel the need to be doing something or talking to someone. When I found myself bored, I was inclined to take my phone out and begin texting or make a call. I'd do chores even, just to keep myself busy. As the week went on it became easier and even enjoyable (gasp!) to cut these things out of my free time and spend it with God. I began by doing small things, such as getting ready for the day in silence instead of playing music. The hardest part was getting started though. I was breaking routines that I'm used to in my day to day life.

Spending time alone with God revealed things about myself that I did not see before. Part of relinquishing the false self for me is taking out all of the fillers that are in my life. I began to ask myself, why do I spend my time this way? And instead of cutting all those fillers out at once, I found it more helful to try and figure out why I was using my free time to constantly stay busy with things other than God. Unless I can get to the root of things, I won't be able to relinquish the false self.

Something that Calhoun said when describing solitude is that it is "freedom from the need to be occupied and stimulated." I contemplated that phrase frequently throughout the week. I never considered it freedom to have absolutely nothing to keep me busy. But the freedom that comes with it allows me to make prayer more like conversation with God throughout the day. It helps me feel comfortable to not be so busy. I'm seeing how I need to make solitude a priority. Through practicing solitude this week, I have barely begun to relinquish the false self. But I have started to see more of the false self. And seeing is the first step in change.

Making a Habit of Solitude

Whenever I think about solitude as a spiritual discipline, I run from it. It is something that scares me. I'm a relational person... Why would I want to isolate myself from other people? By letting busyness, background noise and other distractions run my life I isolate myself from God. However, I also know that God is relational. He wouldn't have created us and sent Christ to die on the cross for us if He didn't desire a relationship with us. Taking this new perspective and other ideas from Nouwen's devotion titled, Bringing Solitude into Our Lives, I now see that solitude isn't as lonely as it first may seem!

Nouwen brings up the fact that we have so much inner chaos within us! Even in a silent room, our thoughts do not stop. Our worries, anxieties, feelings and desires are all still there. It often causes us to fill our lives with so much busyness because we do not want to let ourselves hear our own thoughts. The outer distractions keep us from hearing what we ourselves are saying. It might be difficult to face some of the fears, anxieties and feelings that we have, but that does not mean that they can be ignored. Solitude may be overwhelming at first. But after time, we will learn to hear God over our own thoughts. As we begin to cherish alone time with God more, solitude will become more of a gift to us instead of a discipline.

Nouwen says, "The discipline of solitude, as I have described it here, is one of the most powerful disciplines in developing a prayerful life." Practicing solitude can create in us a desire for more alone time with God. One way to do this is through prayer. Even when we aren't alone, we can still pray. I can see that the practice of solitude has effects on our lives outside of alone time. And that to me is phenomenal. Spiritual disciplines build on each other. The connectedness of solitude and prayer is only one example.

So when you enter into a busy day, don't forget to pause. Take a breather with God. He's always available for some one on one time!

Words... A Matter of the Heart

"Words are small things that hold incredible power"... and so begins my attempt to use that power in a way to glorify God! I chose control of the tongue as my spiritual discipline this week because I know that I struggle with it. Looking at it as a way of incarnating the love of Christ was eye opening to me. I'm a disciple of Christ, who is supposed to be showing others Christ's love through my words. Trying to recall even a small amount of words throughout a day is difficult, but I can always think of an instance when I wasn't controlling my tongue at some point in that day.

I feel as though this week I struggled more with controlling my tongue. But I believe I feel this way because I was more aware of it. I was looking for ways that I get caught in it, and kept finding myself in the middle of it. I don't see that as a negative thing though, because in order to bring about the change that I want, I need to see the problem. I need to recognize situations in which I am more sarcastic and the situations where I am prone to gossip, frustration, etc.

Throughout the week I kept remembering a particular Psalm which I would like to share with you...
"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer", Psalm 19:14.
I made it my prayer. When I would catch myself in a situation where I was failing, this would come to mind. It is something that I memorized years ago, and conveniently resurfaced itself this past week. Thinking upon this verse, every word that I speak is a matter of the heart. The things that I say and the tone in which I say them comes from my heart. If my heart is not in the right place I am sure to stumble. I want my heart to be concerned with showing others the love of Christ. It's when I am behaving selfishly that I struggle with how I use my words.

I'm definitely still a work in progress, but God is working, making me more aware. Yes, it does get frustrating. But I cannot give up, because I know that God never will.

A Childlike Faith

I'll start off by saying that while I enjoy sharing my testimony, it is usually done in person! Nevertheless, here is my story...

I was always the child who took whatever I was told at face value. That can be seen as a good thing and a bad thing. I didn't doubt what people were telling me, which was a blessing when it came to believing when I was told about Christ at a young age. It also meant that I was (and sometimes still am) quite gullible at times. I remember the moment when I officially "asked Jesus into my heart", though I do think that I believed before that moment came. I was 5 or 6 years old and attended the children's program at my church, which my aunt and uncle helped lead. They told what Christ did for me, for us all, and I then realized that I wanted Jesus in my life. I prayed with them, which is very special to me. They have been and still are mentors to me.

Though I became a Christian at a young age, my life was not full of growth for quite some time. I always went to church with my mom, but I wasn't serious about my faith until about 8th grade. I got more involved with the youth group and had amazing leaders who really challenged me. It was about that time when I realized that I wasn't where I should be. I decided that I needed to change who my friends were. Looking back I realize I didn't do this correctly. I basically just stopped contact with them one day, without telling any of them why. I began to hang out with my cousin, who is still my best friend, but my old friends never knew why I suddenly ditched them.

It was in high school that I really felt the Holy Spirit revealing new things to me. I feel very lucky to have the solid Christian friends that I still have today, who were helping form me along the way. My youth leaders continued to challenge me throughout high school, and I still have contact with them today, where they continue to do so. However, it was on one high school trip that I discovered something that has been a stumbling block for me ever since. Though I had known it all along, I hadn't admitted it to myself... My dad isn't a Christian. When I finally let myself believe it, I was crushed. I spent a lot of time angry with God. I spent a lot of time making it my mission to save my dad, which of course I cannot do on my own. I've repeatedly been broken down and humbled by this struggle. I also had and still have resentment toward my dad for some of the things that happened during my childhood. That later turned into resentment toward my mom for marrying him. She was a Christian before they met and I feel that she really sold herself short. But, I cannot change the past and I've really learned a lot from growing up how I did.

I've been able to relate and minister to so many different kinds of people because of having one parent non-Christian, and the other a Christian. It has been a blessing in disguise. There's much more that I could say because a testimony is a lifelong journey! But instead, I shall leave you with this: I could not have made it through many parts of my life without Christ as my stronghold, as my foundation. It is a slow and gradual process, but I am learning to depend on Christ more and more each day.