Freedom Through Solitude

The theme behind all the spiritual disciplines this week was relinquishing the false self... Quite a heavy topic if you ask me! I went back and forth for a few days, trying to decide which spiritual discipline that I would focus on. I kept coming back to solitude, which is what I eventually chose.

At first, practicing solitude was very difficult for me. It didn't feel comfortable. I always feel the need to be doing something or talking to someone. When I found myself bored, I was inclined to take my phone out and begin texting or make a call. I'd do chores even, just to keep myself busy. As the week went on it became easier and even enjoyable (gasp!) to cut these things out of my free time and spend it with God. I began by doing small things, such as getting ready for the day in silence instead of playing music. The hardest part was getting started though. I was breaking routines that I'm used to in my day to day life.

Spending time alone with God revealed things about myself that I did not see before. Part of relinquishing the false self for me is taking out all of the fillers that are in my life. I began to ask myself, why do I spend my time this way? And instead of cutting all those fillers out at once, I found it more helful to try and figure out why I was using my free time to constantly stay busy with things other than God. Unless I can get to the root of things, I won't be able to relinquish the false self.

Something that Calhoun said when describing solitude is that it is "freedom from the need to be occupied and stimulated." I contemplated that phrase frequently throughout the week. I never considered it freedom to have absolutely nothing to keep me busy. But the freedom that comes with it allows me to make prayer more like conversation with God throughout the day. It helps me feel comfortable to not be so busy. I'm seeing how I need to make solitude a priority. Through practicing solitude this week, I have barely begun to relinquish the false self. But I have started to see more of the false self. And seeing is the first step in change.