Whenever I think about solitude as a spiritual discipline, I run from it. It is something that scares me. I'm a relational person... Why would I want to isolate myself from other people? By letting busyness, background noise and other distractions run my life I isolate myself from God. However, I also know that God is relational. He wouldn't have created us and sent Christ to die on the cross for us if He didn't desire a relationship with us. Taking this new perspective and other ideas from Nouwen's devotion titled, Bringing Solitude into Our Lives, I now see that solitude isn't as lonely as it first may seem!
Nouwen brings up the fact that we have so much inner chaos within us! Even in a silent room, our thoughts do not stop. Our worries, anxieties, feelings and desires are all still there. It often causes us to fill our lives with so much busyness because we do not want to let ourselves hear our own thoughts. The outer distractions keep us from hearing what we ourselves are saying. It might be difficult to face some of the fears, anxieties and feelings that we have, but that does not mean that they can be ignored. Solitude may be overwhelming at first. But after time, we will learn to hear God over our own thoughts. As we begin to cherish alone time with God more, solitude will become more of a gift to us instead of a discipline.
Nouwen says, "The discipline of solitude, as I have described it here, is one of the most powerful disciplines in developing a prayerful life." Practicing solitude can create in us a desire for more alone time with God. One way to do this is through prayer. Even when we aren't alone, we can still pray. I can see that the practice of solitude has effects on our lives outside of alone time. And that to me is phenomenal. Spiritual disciplines build on each other. The connectedness of solitude and prayer is only one example.
So when you enter into a busy day, don't forget to pause. Take a breather with God. He's always available for some one on one time!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Words... A Matter of the Heart
"Words are small things that hold incredible power"... and so begins my attempt to use that power in a way to glorify God! I chose control of the tongue as my spiritual discipline this week because I know that I struggle with it. Looking at it as a way of incarnating the love of Christ was eye opening to me. I'm a disciple of Christ, who is supposed to be showing others Christ's love through my words. Trying to recall even a small amount of words throughout a day is difficult, but I can always think of an instance when I wasn't controlling my tongue at some point in that day.
I feel as though this week I struggled more with controlling my tongue. But I believe I feel this way because I was more aware of it. I was looking for ways that I get caught in it, and kept finding myself in the middle of it. I don't see that as a negative thing though, because in order to bring about the change that I want, I need to see the problem. I need to recognize situations in which I am more sarcastic and the situations where I am prone to gossip, frustration, etc.
Throughout the week I kept remembering a particular Psalm which I would like to share with you...
"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer", Psalm 19:14.
I made it my prayer. When I would catch myself in a situation where I was failing, this would come to mind. It is something that I memorized years ago, and conveniently resurfaced itself this past week. Thinking upon this verse, every word that I speak is a matter of the heart. The things that I say and the tone in which I say them comes from my heart. If my heart is not in the right place I am sure to stumble. I want my heart to be concerned with showing others the love of Christ. It's when I am behaving selfishly that I struggle with how I use my words.
I'm definitely still a work in progress, but God is working, making me more aware. Yes, it does get frustrating. But I cannot give up, because I know that God never will.
I feel as though this week I struggled more with controlling my tongue. But I believe I feel this way because I was more aware of it. I was looking for ways that I get caught in it, and kept finding myself in the middle of it. I don't see that as a negative thing though, because in order to bring about the change that I want, I need to see the problem. I need to recognize situations in which I am more sarcastic and the situations where I am prone to gossip, frustration, etc.
Throughout the week I kept remembering a particular Psalm which I would like to share with you...
"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer", Psalm 19:14.
I made it my prayer. When I would catch myself in a situation where I was failing, this would come to mind. It is something that I memorized years ago, and conveniently resurfaced itself this past week. Thinking upon this verse, every word that I speak is a matter of the heart. The things that I say and the tone in which I say them comes from my heart. If my heart is not in the right place I am sure to stumble. I want my heart to be concerned with showing others the love of Christ. It's when I am behaving selfishly that I struggle with how I use my words.
I'm definitely still a work in progress, but God is working, making me more aware. Yes, it does get frustrating. But I cannot give up, because I know that God never will.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
A Childlike Faith
I'll start off by saying that while I enjoy sharing my testimony, it is usually done in person! Nevertheless, here is my story...
I was always the child who took whatever I was told at face value. That can be seen as a good thing and a bad thing. I didn't doubt what people were telling me, which was a blessing when it came to believing when I was told about Christ at a young age. It also meant that I was (and sometimes still am) quite gullible at times. I remember the moment when I officially "asked Jesus into my heart", though I do think that I believed before that moment came. I was 5 or 6 years old and attended the children's program at my church, which my aunt and uncle helped lead. They told what Christ did for me, for us all, and I then realized that I wanted Jesus in my life. I prayed with them, which is very special to me. They have been and still are mentors to me.
Though I became a Christian at a young age, my life was not full of growth for quite some time. I always went to church with my mom, but I wasn't serious about my faith until about 8th grade. I got more involved with the youth group and had amazing leaders who really challenged me. It was about that time when I realized that I wasn't where I should be. I decided that I needed to change who my friends were. Looking back I realize I didn't do this correctly. I basically just stopped contact with them one day, without telling any of them why. I began to hang out with my cousin, who is still my best friend, but my old friends never knew why I suddenly ditched them.
It was in high school that I really felt the Holy Spirit revealing new things to me. I feel very lucky to have the solid Christian friends that I still have today, who were helping form me along the way. My youth leaders continued to challenge me throughout high school, and I still have contact with them today, where they continue to do so. However, it was on one high school trip that I discovered something that has been a stumbling block for me ever since. Though I had known it all along, I hadn't admitted it to myself... My dad isn't a Christian. When I finally let myself believe it, I was crushed. I spent a lot of time angry with God. I spent a lot of time making it my mission to save my dad, which of course I cannot do on my own. I've repeatedly been broken down and humbled by this struggle. I also had and still have resentment toward my dad for some of the things that happened during my childhood. That later turned into resentment toward my mom for marrying him. She was a Christian before they met and I feel that she really sold herself short. But, I cannot change the past and I've really learned a lot from growing up how I did.
I've been able to relate and minister to so many different kinds of people because of having one parent non-Christian, and the other a Christian. It has been a blessing in disguise. There's much more that I could say because a testimony is a lifelong journey! But instead, I shall leave you with this: I could not have made it through many parts of my life without Christ as my stronghold, as my foundation. It is a slow and gradual process, but I am learning to depend on Christ more and more each day.
I was always the child who took whatever I was told at face value. That can be seen as a good thing and a bad thing. I didn't doubt what people were telling me, which was a blessing when it came to believing when I was told about Christ at a young age. It also meant that I was (and sometimes still am) quite gullible at times. I remember the moment when I officially "asked Jesus into my heart", though I do think that I believed before that moment came. I was 5 or 6 years old and attended the children's program at my church, which my aunt and uncle helped lead. They told what Christ did for me, for us all, and I then realized that I wanted Jesus in my life. I prayed with them, which is very special to me. They have been and still are mentors to me.
Though I became a Christian at a young age, my life was not full of growth for quite some time. I always went to church with my mom, but I wasn't serious about my faith until about 8th grade. I got more involved with the youth group and had amazing leaders who really challenged me. It was about that time when I realized that I wasn't where I should be. I decided that I needed to change who my friends were. Looking back I realize I didn't do this correctly. I basically just stopped contact with them one day, without telling any of them why. I began to hang out with my cousin, who is still my best friend, but my old friends never knew why I suddenly ditched them.
It was in high school that I really felt the Holy Spirit revealing new things to me. I feel very lucky to have the solid Christian friends that I still have today, who were helping form me along the way. My youth leaders continued to challenge me throughout high school, and I still have contact with them today, where they continue to do so. However, it was on one high school trip that I discovered something that has been a stumbling block for me ever since. Though I had known it all along, I hadn't admitted it to myself... My dad isn't a Christian. When I finally let myself believe it, I was crushed. I spent a lot of time angry with God. I spent a lot of time making it my mission to save my dad, which of course I cannot do on my own. I've repeatedly been broken down and humbled by this struggle. I also had and still have resentment toward my dad for some of the things that happened during my childhood. That later turned into resentment toward my mom for marrying him. She was a Christian before they met and I feel that she really sold herself short. But, I cannot change the past and I've really learned a lot from growing up how I did.
I've been able to relate and minister to so many different kinds of people because of having one parent non-Christian, and the other a Christian. It has been a blessing in disguise. There's much more that I could say because a testimony is a lifelong journey! But instead, I shall leave you with this: I could not have made it through many parts of my life without Christ as my stronghold, as my foundation. It is a slow and gradual process, but I am learning to depend on Christ more and more each day.
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