I came to a realization the other day about myself. I can't stand to be completely alone. By that I don't necessarily mean people. I mean, it felt uncomfortable for me to eat breakfast without music playing. It didn't matter if I was really listening or it was just white noise, I just needed it there. I was cleaning the house last week and I had to have music playing then. I am always texting or on facebook. I don't like silence. As I was having breakfast the other morning, I prayed and began to eat my cereal. It was then that something hit me. I was filling my life with these things as a way to avoid God. I used to pray a lot more. And life lately has been a little bit crazy, which really means that I should be praying more. But instead I am scared to have alone time with God. Why is that?
I don't think that I'm alone in this. Why are we so scared to be vulnerable to God? He knows our every thought, every word and action. We can't hide anything from Him. He created us for a relationship with us, yet we continually choose other things above him. My reason for avoiding him is a fear. I know that I have made a lot of mistakes. And I know that he knows this. When I tell others about Christ, I tell them that they can be set free from their sins. Through faith in Christ's sacrifice on the cross, we are no longer seen as sinners because of Christ's imputed righteousness. This is what I tell people, but I still live as if I am not freed from sin. It is something that I know is true. If I didn't whole heartedly believe it, I would not tell others that it is true.
And this is my challenge: to embrace the forgiveness that comes from Christ. Though it is important to have a repentant heart and want to change, I don't think it is healthy or what God wants for us to be filled with guilt for so long because of our sin. What are we accomplishing for God's kingdom by doing that?
"The law was brought so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more." Romans 5:20
