As a first year high school teacher, I was on a learning curve for just about everything- from parent communication, student misbehavior, making math relevant and fun, to knowing what to do when a few persistent students think it is funny to ask their teacher out (yes - that happened). Today I want to reflect on my year as a whole. That is, to answer the question that I am asked almost every single time I tell somebody what my profession is, "Why in the world would you want to be a teacher? Especially, a MATH teacher?"
I expected to graduate college and spend a year or two substitute teaching until a high school would hire me. I'm young - only a few years older than some of my students. Being offered a job two months after I graduated college was a surprise and a huge blessing. The school year begin and I soon found out that I had more work than I bargained for. I didn't know how the school ran. I didn't know what students to watch out for. I didn't know what abilities my students would have. I didn't know much of anything, at least that is how I felt. I was fairly successful at never letting the students know that I felt these things. On the inside, I was an anxious mess!
As the year went on, I got into my zone. I formed relationships with my students and found myself allowing my sense of humor to come out more. I posted a new math/nerdy joke every week - even the coolest of kids found a few that they were willing to laugh at. I even had a student email me every time they found a new hilarious math joke. She'll never know this, but I absolutely loved the fact that she did that. I learned that if I take myself too seriously I will never connect with my students nor will I have any fun at work. On the flip side, there were days that I felt my lessons had failed miserably and all I wanted to do was call in a sub for the next day, or two, or three. I resisted the temptation to do so and kept on going. There is a particular thing that someone said to me that helped me keep going. She said, "You make a difference". I was feeling burnt out and and this person said the right words at the right time. If you're reading this, you know who you are. Thank you. There were days when I didn't know what I was teaching until that very morning. And I learned that sometimes that is ok. The control freak inside of me did not like this at all. That's why teachers become teachers, right? Because we all want to be in control and in charge. All the time. All joking aside, this was a huge obstacle for me this year.
When I say that I learned to not take myself seriously, I really meant it. For each exam review I decided to dress up. The first semester I played Jeopardy with them and to their surprise after teaming them up, ran into the hallway just to put on a suit jacket and a mustache so that I could walk into the room playing the Jeopardy theme song. At the end of the year, students were still talking about "the day that Miss Johnson wore a mustache".
The second semester I needed to think of a new costume... The review game that we played had a basketball theme, so naturally I thought that I should dress accordingly. While students were forming groups and naming their teams, I hid behind my desk and put on my old Kuyper practice jersey, basketball shoes, an afro wig, and a whistle. I kid you not, they didn't even realize what I was doing. I asked somebody to hit the lights and then emerged from behind my desk while playing T.I.'s, Bring Em Out. I attempted to do some tricks with my nerf basketball (I'll be honest, my tricks were failures), and then dunked (tried to dunk) on my door hoop. One student fell out of his chair laughing because he could not fathom his white teacher listening to T. I. or playing basketball. On another note, whistles are great things to have in classrooms...
One of my main goals is that students will never know when I am feeling flustered or having a bad day. I wasn't always successful at this, but in general I hid my emotions from them quite well. I had the fear that showing them any signs of insecurity would somehow encourage them to terrorize the new teacher. Whether or not that is true, I am still not sure. Regardless, I wanted respect from my students. Sometimes I got it while other times I did not. I struggled daily with the fact that I am only 5 years older than some of the students that I teach. It took a while to establish authority with them. And it was hard. I found that students were sharing things with me that I never would have told my teachers. They were telling me these things because in a way they felt like I would understand because I was "basically a high schooler". While I would not describe myself this way, I definitely saw students viewing me in this way. In fact, I have a long list of stories in which a male student has tried to use a pick up line on me or something else completely ridiculous. These were some of the most awkward and hilarious interactions that I had all year. On the bright side, I did receive a heart shaped pizza from a boy on Valentine's Day. And everybody loves pizza.
Last week I administered exams and completed my first year of teaching. Exam week is probably a time where students resent their teachers. However, many of my students came to me after their exam to thank me. I was a bit confused to be honest. Students that had given me the impression that they didn't particularly care for math or their math teacher were telling me that I was their favorite teacher. I even had some students tell me that they signed up for my class next year just so that they could have me as a teacher next year. These are students that don't even like math (at least that is what they claim!). The entire month of May I was stuck in the mindset that summer could not get here fast enough. However, I already miss my kids. I will never be a first year teacher again. I will never have the same experiences. I will never have the exact same classes. A majority of the students that I taught graduated this year. It is unbelievable, the way that I have come to care so much about my students. I didn't think that watching the seniors leave would phase me, but after pouring my life into them all year long it was very difficult.
Though my first year of teaching had its ups and downs, I end it on a positive note. I learned a lot about myself as a teacher, person, and mentor. I learned a lot about my students and what they need out of a teacher. I learned that God is always faithful and in control. I learned that God will always provide a way for me to accomplish that task that he has set out for me to do.
A verse that has stuck out to me this year is,
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
I am thankful for each and every person that has prayed for me and poured into me this year. I hope that I was able to show my students that I had joy and peace. I pray that the joy and peace that Christ was pouring into me overflowed into my students.
The way that my students cared for me as I cared for them was simply incredible. For example, there was a day that I received a message from my mom part way through the day telling me that my uncle was having heart problems and had collapsed earlier in the day. She said that we should pray and that she would let me know as soon as she had an update. That entire afternoon I was off. I could not focus. My energy was drained and my mind was elsewhere. My last class of the day noticed something was off. They asked me what was wrong, which was the first thing that happened that shocked me. They cared. A lot. I started to explain what had happened and that I didn't really know anything and was worried. The bell rang, but they all stayed in the room. One of them shut the door and asked if they could pray for me. My entire class physically surrounded me and prayed over me that day asking for healing for my uncle. It was the only time all year any student saw tears in my eyes. I was so touched that they did that for me. God knew what I needed that day and had provided that for me through my students.
I am thankful that I work in a school that allows and encourages things like this to happen. I am blessed beyond measure by a God that is limitless.
